1 00:00:35,900 --> 00:00:41,440 Okay, so she lost another part. Hmm, wonder why. She's not going to be in a 2 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:42,199 good mood today. 3 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,820 No, I already heard she was throwing creamers at the girls. 4 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,680 So, here's what I was thinking. Yeah. Because I have shit to do tonight. Well, 5 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,980 I don't want to edit either. I have to take adult bicycle lessons so that my 6 00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:54,160 son will finally respect me. 7 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:56,940 See, that's, like, really important for you to connect with him in that way. 8 00:00:56,940 --> 00:00:59,080 Like, you can't edit tonight. The interns. 9 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:00,820 Let's make them edit. 10 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:03,840 Wait, but they hate Ruby more than we do. 11 00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:06,160 We'll just tell them we'll have their t-shirt failed on. 12 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:10,400 Have I told you you're a fucking genius? 13 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:13,900 Oh, my God, thank you. Oh, my God. Well, what are you doing today? 14 00:01:14,260 --> 00:01:19,080 Well, we got a fucking snowmobile, and there's no, like, no here, obviously. 15 00:01:19,240 --> 00:01:22,980 Obviously. But, like, we want to try it. 16 00:01:25,660 --> 00:01:26,660 Ruby? 17 00:01:29,140 --> 00:01:32,580 Hello, ghouls and ghoulinas. 18 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:40,000 I'm Ruby, the fairest maiden of the dankest grotto in 19 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:46,260 Bakersfield, California, and your host for tonight of 20 00:01:46,260 --> 00:01:47,260 Chunks. 21 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,380 Chunks is really, is that final? 22 00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:30,950 Work can be pretty top-notch. If you're the fat cat at the top, that 23 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:37,810 is. And for the losers, you aren't. Work can be straight out of 24 00:02:37,810 --> 00:02:38,810 hell. 25 00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:46,170 You know, you're just filing stuff and stabling stuff and writing stuff 26 00:02:46,170 --> 00:02:47,910 and typing stuff. 27 00:02:48,590 --> 00:02:51,010 And sometimes you're just looking around. 28 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:56,080 And you're thinking, who am I? How the hell did I end up here? 29 00:02:56,940 --> 00:03:02,480 And you're wearing a little pencil skirt and you're letting your boss cop a feel 30 00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:08,360 just so you can get your Christmas bonus a little early so your little girl can 31 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:11,440 get those patent leather shoes she asked for Santa. 32 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:17,760 And you're hopping up in a box of souped up jalopy just letting his hand ride up 33 00:03:17,760 --> 00:03:23,040 your skirt. I wouldn't wish work on my... worst enemy. 34 00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:26,080 You should see him now. 35 00:03:27,180 --> 00:03:29,580 He's just a bag of bones. 36 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:40,800 So fix your eyes and don't look away 37 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:46,640 because our next story is about a place worse than hell. 38 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,740 backpack. America's favorite bathroom in a backpack. 39 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:57,660 Soylent 2, this time it's dog. 40 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:02,660 Now, Risco presents The Office of Tomorrow! 41 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,740 Rise and shine! 42 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,459 Life's got your employees a bad hand. 43 00:04:19,209 --> 00:04:22,070 But at least their mornings start with a royal flush. 44 00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:27,790 The early bird's got his worm. 45 00:04:28,450 --> 00:04:32,510 And we've got something nearly as delicious for your employees. 46 00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:37,330 Time for the most important meal of the day. 47 00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:43,470 And in the office of tomorrow, we feed your employees' bodies as well as their 48 00:04:43,470 --> 00:04:44,470 brains. 49 00:04:49,429 --> 00:04:53,630 Satisfactory. Every dapper Dan needs a freshly pressed scoop. 50 00:04:58,410 --> 00:05:00,330 How about a nice smile? 51 00:05:02,550 --> 00:05:03,550 Piffing. 52 00:05:05,050 --> 00:05:09,350 Let's see what's happening for those on the executive track. Jockeying for 53 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:10,430 position in the company. 54 00:05:10,690 --> 00:05:12,710 Giddy up. 55 00:05:16,620 --> 00:05:19,420 Breakfast is the most important deal of the day. 56 00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:32,100 You just might have a chance to meet the E 57 00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:33,100 .E.O. 58 00:05:33,180 --> 00:05:35,840 Girls these days all have motherboard issues. 59 00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:38,320 They don't have a father board, and it shows. 60 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,560 You know what I mean? Not really, sir. 61 00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:49,020 Even the best... CEO may suffer from devious employees, clacking, or even a 62 00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:50,920 puny knife. But don't worry. 63 00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:56,640 The Strike Blaster 5000 is on the case. Go get them, Blaster. 64 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:07,440 Like a pet, your workers require water. Luckily, 65 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:10,380 the water cooler of tomorrow brings down those pets. 66 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,520 It's not ready yet. 67 00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:24,080 Your employees taking too long dropping dimes on company time? 68 00:06:24,340 --> 00:06:29,440 Our patented Murphy toilets will fix that. Three seconds? But I have toxic 69 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:30,440 gut syndrome. 70 00:06:32,620 --> 00:06:36,320 Uh-oh. Looks like you're running low on human resources. 71 00:06:36,940 --> 00:06:41,080 Not to worry. Even when morale is low, business is vibrant. 72 00:06:41,880 --> 00:06:46,080 All thanks to the Office of Tomorrow! 73 00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:51,880 Wasn't that pure hell? 74 00:07:13,520 --> 00:07:17,720 Ever been on a plane and realize you're just in a tin can, hurtling a million 75 00:07:17,720 --> 00:07:22,760 miles through space, a million miles over the Earth's crusty crust, and you 76 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:27,180 look around the plane and you realize you're just in a plane full of goddamn 77 00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:33,760 strangers on this goddamn plane, and who's driving this plane? Oh, it's just 78 00:07:33,760 --> 00:07:38,660 the moron you're trusting with your life and you're living on a pra- 79 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,620 747 engines to deliver you to your dinky destination. 80 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:50,180 Buckle up, it's going to be a bumpy night. 81 00:08:07,940 --> 00:08:10,680 Welcome aboard Utopia Airlines. 82 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:15,260 As we prepare for departure, please direct your attention to the following 83 00:08:15,260 --> 00:08:16,400 safety instructions. 84 00:08:19,180 --> 00:08:22,900 Locate your seat on the aircraft by the seat assignment on your boarding pass. 85 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:24,940 That's my seat. 86 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:30,060 Is it all right if I stay here? Get out of my seat! That's my seat! It's not 87 00:08:30,060 --> 00:08:32,940 yours! That's mine! Get the fuck out of my seat! 88 00:08:33,799 --> 00:08:35,679 Switching seats is strictly prohibited. 89 00:08:36,179 --> 00:08:37,799 Punishable by 15 to life. 90 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:42,220 Place your bags in the overhead storage compartment or underneath the seat in 91 00:08:42,220 --> 00:08:46,320 front of you. Our in-flight freak will ensure they remain safe and secure. 92 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:48,800 Thanks, freak. 93 00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:54,200 Sleeping is prohibited on all Utopia Air flights. 94 00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,260 Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! 95 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:03,280 To keep you awake during your journey, we provide a host of in-flight 96 00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:04,280 entertainment. 97 00:09:05,740 --> 00:09:10,360 Be sure to check out our newest show, The Dog That Saved My Uncle and His 98 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:15,300 Friend. It's the incredible true story of the courageous dog who saved 99 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:18,160 someone's uncle and also that uncle's friend. 100 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:24,080 In the event of a pressure change, oxygen masks will drop from the ceiling. 101 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,860 Place the mask over your mouth and breathe normally. 102 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:28,640 Excuse me. 103 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,500 Am I breathing normally? 104 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:43,840 If it's normal to you, it's normal to me. 105 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,420 Life vests are located underneath your seat. 106 00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:53,160 To inflate the vest, pull down on the red tabs or blow into the flute. 107 00:10:03,820 --> 00:10:07,620 And just before takeoff, we must choose who will fly the plane. 108 00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:08,900 No goes. 109 00:10:14,990 --> 00:10:16,490 Can I please finish my drink? 110 00:10:17,210 --> 00:10:18,490 Oh, thank you very much. 111 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:25,810 There are three emergency exits on this aircraft, two in the pink and one in the 112 00:10:25,810 --> 00:10:30,970 sink. In the event of a water landing, slides will inflate at these exits for a 113 00:10:30,970 --> 00:10:31,970 safe evacuation. 114 00:10:33,530 --> 00:10:38,450 At Utopia Airlines, we aim to ready you for every possible safety scenario. 115 00:10:38,890 --> 00:10:42,050 In the event of an emergency, prepare to ask yourself. 116 00:10:43,980 --> 00:10:44,980 That's it? 117 00:10:46,680 --> 00:10:47,680 Now? 118 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:51,020 Should I do everything I needed to do? 119 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,420 Should I do everything I wanted to do? 120 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:58,760 These are my final moments on Earth. 121 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:03,040 Was it worth all the trouble? 122 00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:10,620 But none of you need to worry about that, because you're already dead. 123 00:11:15,739 --> 00:11:19,760 Congratulations on the end of your mortal cycle. You may not remember how 124 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:20,619 you died. 125 00:11:20,620 --> 00:11:22,140 Some of you got hit by a bus. 126 00:11:22,540 --> 00:11:24,220 Some of you got hit by a train. 127 00:11:24,460 --> 00:11:27,700 And some of you got hit by both. I'm looking at you, Susan. 128 00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:29,340 It actually felt good. 129 00:11:31,460 --> 00:11:35,800 The trip to the afterlife can be confusing, painful, and a little stinky. 130 00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:38,440 So we are here to escort you in comfort. 131 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:41,900 I will be your guide to and through death. 132 00:11:42,120 --> 00:11:44,340 It is the sole purpose of my existence. 133 00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:47,510 I was never born, and I will never die. 134 00:11:47,850 --> 00:11:50,670 I may look human, but I'm anything but. 135 00:11:55,550 --> 00:12:00,450 You lucky souls are on your way to your next big adventure, so please, pay close 136 00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:02,510 attention while I walk you through the passing process. 137 00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:08,750 Your body has three natural exits, two in the pink and one in the pink. 138 00:12:09,330 --> 00:12:13,190 After you die, your soul escapes the body through these passageways. 139 00:12:13,910 --> 00:12:17,310 After your soul has exited, the body ceases to be yours. 140 00:12:17,910 --> 00:12:21,990 The bacteria inside your body has been patiently waiting for you to die. 141 00:12:22,670 --> 00:12:24,670 Now, it's their time to shine. 142 00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:31,590 But that's all going on down there. I'd like to open up the floor to a QandA to 143 00:12:31,590 --> 00:12:33,210 all the curious souls up here. 144 00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:34,709 Yes, Susan? 145 00:12:34,710 --> 00:12:36,350 What is the meaning of life? 146 00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:38,230 Great question, Susan. 147 00:12:38,730 --> 00:12:42,550 Life is a condition that distinguishes plants and animals from inorganic 148 00:12:42,550 --> 00:12:47,080 matter. Oh, thank you. I always wondered what that word meant. Are we going to 149 00:12:47,080 --> 00:12:48,240 heaven, or what? 150 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:52,600 In a way, yes, but not the heaven that you imagined. 151 00:12:52,860 --> 00:12:57,160 You see, the human pictures a landscape of eternal bliss and happiness, but 152 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:02,400 forgets one key element, that he will be there, too, with his rotten human brain. 153 00:13:03,460 --> 00:13:06,120 The human brain has three basic parts. 154 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:08,420 The frontal lobe. 155 00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:11,100 The full frontal lobe. 156 00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:13,360 And the wretched lobe. 157 00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:18,180 This is the part of the brain that whispers to you late at night. 158 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:25,080 The part that says, No matter what you do, no matter what you have, 159 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,420 it will never be enough for what the fuck you call it. 160 00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:36,400 Could you imagine how happy you would be without it? If you could just pop it 161 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,960 like a pimple and finally be free. 162 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:44,410 Unfortunately, You take this part of the brain with you. It is embedded in the 163 00:13:44,410 --> 00:13:45,369 human soul. 164 00:13:45,370 --> 00:13:47,030 It is the human soul. 165 00:13:50,930 --> 00:13:53,170 Imagine a perfect blue sky. 166 00:13:54,690 --> 00:13:55,690 Calming. 167 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:57,670 Hopeful. 168 00:13:58,490 --> 00:13:59,910 But look at it for days. 169 00:14:01,010 --> 00:14:02,010 For years. 170 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,370 For an eternity. 171 00:14:06,230 --> 00:14:09,330 After long, your human eyes adjust to the color. 172 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:11,020 It becomes nothing. 173 00:14:13,380 --> 00:14:15,200 It's no longer a beautiful sky. 174 00:14:16,220 --> 00:14:18,440 It's just the space above your head. 175 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:23,520 The human always finds a way to be dissatisfied. 176 00:14:24,620 --> 00:14:29,260 You will look eternal bliss in the eye and learn that the problem is, and 177 00:14:29,260 --> 00:14:31,140 always was, you. 178 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,720 Heaven is exactly how you've always pictured. 179 00:14:38,410 --> 00:14:39,510 Because you've been there. 180 00:14:40,770 --> 00:14:42,290 You've been there many times. 181 00:14:43,950 --> 00:14:46,250 And that's why we're sending you back. 182 00:14:50,070 --> 00:14:51,130 Perfect Earth. 183 00:14:51,530 --> 00:14:53,370 An ecosystem in harmony. 184 00:14:54,930 --> 00:14:57,450 Life exists to provide life for another. 185 00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:02,130 But the human thought he was above the circle of life. 186 00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:05,650 He chose to bend the Earth to his will. 187 00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:08,900 To take instead of give. 188 00:15:10,300 --> 00:15:14,620 To separate themselves from the natural world and dream of a place called 189 00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:15,620 heaven. 190 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:22,020 The human destroyed the paradise at his fingertips and imagined a better one was 191 00:15:22,020 --> 00:15:23,020 waiting. 192 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:25,880 But there's not. 193 00:15:26,580 --> 00:15:29,400 We're sending you back to undo what has been done. 194 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:32,360 To turn earth back into heaven. 195 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,760 To take what you've learned in your last existence and try again. 196 00:15:38,060 --> 00:15:39,060 And again. 197 00:15:39,780 --> 00:15:40,780 And again. 198 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:42,560 And again. 199 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:44,320 And again. 200 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:46,040 And again. 201 00:15:48,080 --> 00:15:52,580 Due to overpopulation, we're pumping out new souls every day to meet demand. 202 00:15:52,940 --> 00:15:56,580 These souls are on their first lifetime, and their wretched lobes are activated. 203 00:15:56,960 --> 00:16:02,120 You all serve a very important purpose, to guide and impart wisdom upon these 204 00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,040 impressionable, foolish souls. 205 00:16:04,620 --> 00:16:08,720 An easy way to identify a new soul is if they call themselves an old soul. 206 00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:15,560 Congratulations, passengers. We will now begin our descent, and you will become 207 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:16,560 mortal once again. 208 00:16:17,100 --> 00:16:21,000 Please place your seats in the upright position, close all tray tables, and put 209 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,880 away any notions of fighting your destiny. 210 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:24,200 Prepare for landing. 211 00:17:03,280 --> 00:17:08,240 It is my pleasure to welcome you back to Earth. And please take a moment to sign 212 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:09,240 up for our credit card. 213 00:17:11,060 --> 00:17:15,940 Thank you for flying Utopia Air. We can't wait to see you again. 214 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:02,300 Have you ever gotten a DUI before? 215 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:04,860 I mean, not in a car. 216 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:08,000 Oh. I feel like there's, like, boats. 217 00:18:08,560 --> 00:18:11,480 You're not allowed to, like, drunk, but, and it's like, well, I'm sorry, how do 218 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:12,379 you drive a boat? 219 00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:13,780 Yeah, I'm on a lake. What am I supposed to do? 220 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:18,560 I'm on a boat. My ex-girlfriend got a DUI. We hit a car and bounced off the 221 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:23,680 car. Oh, my God. A little girl got the DUI? Ruby, do you want some fries or 222 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:24,680 something? 223 00:18:24,940 --> 00:18:25,940 Are you sure? 224 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:28,700 Every time we fucking talk, it's like, oh, this girl died. 225 00:18:29,110 --> 00:18:33,730 I don't know. I'm just saying, if that many girls died in my life, I'd be in 226 00:18:33,730 --> 00:18:34,649 the best of games. 227 00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:39,450 Yeah, Jesus Christ. What if fucking Natalie Wood? What's going on? Oh, drunk 228 00:18:39,450 --> 00:18:39,969 in a boat. 229 00:18:39,970 --> 00:18:41,590 Drunk in a boat? Drunk in a boat. Drunk in a boat. 230 00:18:42,930 --> 00:18:48,670 They say never play games with the devil, but you never know who's at the 231 00:18:48,670 --> 00:18:49,670 table. 232 00:18:50,090 --> 00:18:51,410 Luck be a lady tonight. 233 00:18:51,650 --> 00:18:54,070 Cross your fingers and roll the dice. 234 00:18:54,310 --> 00:18:56,590 Which way did the dice roll? 235 00:18:57,170 --> 00:18:58,670 Up, down, left? 236 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:02,700 Right? Red chip, blue chip, green chip, blue chip. 237 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,380 Gambling is so twisted, only Dr. 238 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:10,560 Seuss' evil twin could invent this shit. 239 00:19:11,260 --> 00:19:13,020 Yeah, okay, that's fine. 240 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:19,700 Tonight, our little fairy tale is about the twisted game of poker. 241 00:19:22,380 --> 00:19:24,420 What's up, y'all? Welcome to my party. 242 00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:34,100 Once a week, every week, forever, y'all are invited to Poker Night at my 243 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:35,420 basement slash casino. 244 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,800 Hi, rollers. 245 00:19:36,920 --> 00:19:43,820 Hi, steaks. Hi, I'm Jay Gordon B., but you have to call me JGB. And this is 246 00:19:43,820 --> 00:19:46,220 Poker Night at the Pleasure Trove. 247 00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:08,100 Live from JGB's Teller Casino, I'm Flynn Fredstone, your commentary. 248 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:13,040 It's a star-studded game tonight with chess master Nadia Mayrica, rap legend 249 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:18,520 Gary the Dangerous, and a poker titan in the flesh, Bob Mub. And as always, the 250 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:20,420 hostess with the dopeness. 251 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,880 JGB. Thanks, Flynn. I'm here with my four best friends and some lower middle 252 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:29,640 class guy chasing a dream. I've had the poker group chat popping all week. We 253 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,340 got a rap god, a poker legend, a lady. 254 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:36,040 And I started this thing with my boy here, Fantasy. You'd be even more of a 255 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:37,260 10 in this hat, trust me. 256 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:38,600 Fantasy. 257 00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:43,660 Gilman. What's Gucci, my... It's not really the time to be plugging your... 258 00:20:44,430 --> 00:20:50,890 crypto thing oh the poker pervert has arrived be cool aren't you like cool 259 00:20:50,890 --> 00:20:57,670 chill guy yeah no i am we're good we're good here are the starting 260 00:20:57,670 --> 00:21:03,190 stacks blinds are 100 200 tonight but you can expect those pots to explode and 261 00:21:03,190 --> 00:21:07,760 speaking of explode we are getting into it on hand one Ace is under the gun for 262 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:11,520 our lucky duck, Jeff Sexbury, an eighth grade math teacher from Fall River, 263 00:21:11,620 --> 00:21:14,380 Massachusetts. Let's learn more about our lucky duck. 264 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:20,200 Hello, my name is Jeff Sexbury, or as some of the kids like to call me, the 265 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,680 master of disaster. 266 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,500 I just like to have a blast in the classroom. 267 00:21:24,780 --> 00:21:28,080 Basically, I started playing poker last year with some of the other teachers. I 268 00:21:28,080 --> 00:21:32,500 made $19 and was not asked back, but I caught the bug, and so I'm really 269 00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:33,740 excited to be playing again. 270 00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:38,500 Jeff is our first online lottery winner. The lucky duck gets to take the $100,000 271 00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:39,459 by the channel. 272 00:21:39,460 --> 00:21:43,600 Anything he wins, he can take home or come back next week and risk it all 273 00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:46,000 again. Anything you want to say to your students? 274 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:48,220 Dreams do come true. 275 00:21:52,220 --> 00:21:53,580 But I have pocket aces. 276 00:21:54,080 --> 00:21:55,880 Yeah, I hit my set, bro, 3-9. 277 00:21:56,120 --> 00:21:58,100 Wait, but pocket aces is the best hand. 278 00:21:58,420 --> 00:21:59,780 So I just lose now? 279 00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:02,480 Yeah, bro, for a teacher, you do not do a lot of learning. 280 00:22:03,389 --> 00:22:04,950 Not even through the interview. 281 00:22:05,330 --> 00:22:07,990 Jeff Sexbury is down his 100k. 282 00:22:08,350 --> 00:22:12,510 Uh, yeah, brother, that's Brutes Magoots. Uh, sorry, guys, old BRB, my 283 00:22:12,510 --> 00:22:14,870 best fucking friend in the world did something fucked up and someone got 284 00:22:14,870 --> 00:22:15,870 turbo hurt. 285 00:22:16,430 --> 00:22:17,610 Landon! Again? 286 00:22:18,190 --> 00:22:19,670 It was good to meet you, puny man. 287 00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:24,350 Can I just, like, hang, though, for a while? Like, chill with you guys? 288 00:22:24,590 --> 00:22:28,610 I just like you guys, and I've never been in a mansion basement before. 289 00:22:28,950 --> 00:22:30,410 They got a sink in here. 290 00:22:30,730 --> 00:22:31,730 Isn't that nuts? 291 00:22:31,980 --> 00:22:33,540 Yeah, Beast lets your nuts hang. 292 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,740 And I think the other sickest basement I've ever been in is probably my friend 293 00:22:39,740 --> 00:22:45,620 Craig's basement because he has a Miller Lite neon sign on the wall. 294 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:49,540 If you're going to keep talking, why not get some chips? 295 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,240 For real? Would JGB be okay with that? 296 00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:57,840 JGB? Can I have more chips? Shut up, you don't need him. It's my show. Deal him 297 00:22:57,840 --> 00:23:01,120 in. I say if you want chips, you can have as many chips as you like. 298 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:02,480 Whoa, for real? 299 00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:03,500 Oh, my God. 300 00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:06,280 That's so nice. Oh, my God. You are nice. 301 00:23:06,820 --> 00:23:08,140 I knew you were nice. 302 00:23:08,520 --> 00:23:12,320 I'm really good at reading people, and you are a good egg, mister. 303 00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:14,800 I have so many eggs, you can call me Benedict. 304 00:23:15,140 --> 00:23:21,380 Bold moves from Jeff as the middle school teacher puts up his own $100,000. 305 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,820 But the poker gods like it. He's got queens. 306 00:23:26,040 --> 00:23:28,160 I'll play in with you, Mr. Strawberry. 307 00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:29,880 $3,000. 308 00:23:30,400 --> 00:23:35,400 The legend himself Bob Mub has woken up with his famous hand. 3-10 offsuit. The 309 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:36,400 Yuma. 310 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:41,820 Jeff Sexbury has three queens. What is this, my mom and her clone? 311 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,540 Meanwhile, Bob Mub flops two pair. 312 00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,640 The saloon man is in trouble. 313 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:48,380 What do we even have? 314 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:50,340 What is that? 315 00:23:51,220 --> 00:23:53,820 I don't know. I guess I'll just do double. 316 00:23:54,180 --> 00:23:55,180 What do you bet? 317 00:23:55,800 --> 00:24:00,700 Mub famously used this hand to win the 1998 World Series of Poker against Bo 318 00:24:00,700 --> 00:24:02,540 Bridges. Oh, my. 319 00:24:02,740 --> 00:24:07,880 Two full houses, but Jeff has the higher one. I can't see any way Bob gets out of 320 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,880 this. And the lucky duck will double up. Fifteen. 321 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:12,920 Fifty thousand. 322 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:18,180 Bob with the Mondo overbet, but he's run into it this time. Someone call the 323 00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:21,300 special victims unit. Bob's about to get fucked by the teacher. 324 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:22,980 Well, they have a really good hand. 325 00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:28,680 But you could have four threes, and I really don't want to lose. Tell your dad 326 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:29,720 I said, get to the jumper! 327 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:32,080 Okay. What's up, sucka soldiers? 328 00:24:32,340 --> 00:24:34,520 But on the other hand, I am playing with house money. 329 00:24:35,100 --> 00:24:36,100 What'd you just fucking say? 330 00:24:36,380 --> 00:24:40,280 Oh, you were in the bathroom. Yeah, Fantasy gave me another 100K in chips. 331 00:24:40,820 --> 00:24:42,960 No, dude, we gave you $100,000. 332 00:24:43,260 --> 00:24:45,200 That's like a billion dollars for you. We're not going to give you another 333 00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,600 billion dollars. Fantasy, what did you say to him? Oh, nothing. I didn't even 334 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:49,600 talk to him. 335 00:24:49,860 --> 00:24:53,020 Hey, hey, hey, man. If you're in this hand, that's your sad teacher money. 336 00:24:54,950 --> 00:24:56,790 That's my real money from life? 337 00:24:57,190 --> 00:24:58,390 Yeah. From teacher? 338 00:24:58,810 --> 00:25:00,330 Yeah. I don't have that. 339 00:25:01,510 --> 00:25:03,930 You... You said you were my friend! 340 00:25:04,630 --> 00:25:08,250 No, I did not say that, bro. Yes, you did! You said we were friends forever! 341 00:25:08,790 --> 00:25:10,510 He did not say that. Oh, my God! 342 00:25:10,850 --> 00:25:12,430 PS4 3s, my life is over! 343 00:25:13,470 --> 00:25:14,690 Oh, fuck, I can't... 344 00:25:14,970 --> 00:25:17,430 I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't. I fault, I fault, I fault. Oh, 345 00:25:17,490 --> 00:25:18,810 that's crazy. 346 00:25:19,870 --> 00:25:24,990 No, he had the four threes. He had four threes. Tell him. I'm sorry, son, I did 347 00:25:24,990 --> 00:25:25,969 not. 348 00:25:25,970 --> 00:25:29,010 Why did you tell him to buy back in? Dude, look at him. He's going to fucking 349 00:25:29,010 --> 00:25:32,830 kill himself on TV, and I'm going to look like a fucking dick. Oh, I am so 350 00:25:32,830 --> 00:25:36,090 sorry for trying to make sure people play poker at the poker table. 351 00:25:36,310 --> 00:25:37,570 That is my bad, bro. 352 00:25:37,770 --> 00:25:40,330 I thought you were a cool guy that wanted to have a cool show. 353 00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:44,050 This is what cool guys do. Yeah, I know what cool guys do, Fantasy, because I'm 354 00:25:44,050 --> 00:25:49,490 a cool guy, so... Yeah, so it's like I needed a screen name, and my favorite 355 00:25:49,490 --> 00:25:55,690 genre of films is fantasy, and I like Hennessy, so... Fantasy. 356 00:25:57,210 --> 00:26:00,930 It's a very strange name, and I cannot believe that you gave it to yourself. 357 00:26:01,590 --> 00:26:04,930 It's like name bully give you to make you feel like Big Buffoon. 358 00:26:05,350 --> 00:26:06,350 Hmm. 359 00:26:06,550 --> 00:26:09,030 Now that you got that spot on, I have nothing to add. 360 00:26:09,630 --> 00:26:11,170 And she gets him to overbet his king. 361 00:26:12,470 --> 00:26:13,470 Yo, Scary, get in here. 362 00:26:13,570 --> 00:26:15,430 Yeah, yeah, one sec. No for Instagram now. 363 00:26:16,890 --> 00:26:21,030 Shit. Okay, more hands, dealer. Come on, come on. Hey, I'm here with my day one 364 00:26:21,030 --> 00:26:23,870 brother, STD, Scary the Dangerous, no herpes. 365 00:26:24,130 --> 00:26:26,630 Look at my man's rocking that fake-ass, booty-ass scarf. 366 00:26:27,690 --> 00:26:30,230 Now he's looking like I just upped the blow around his mom's damn. 367 00:26:30,650 --> 00:26:33,670 Mr. Scurry, it seems that you hate this man. 368 00:26:34,090 --> 00:26:35,470 Why do you not slap his mouth? 369 00:26:37,430 --> 00:26:38,430 What is he talking about? 370 00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,620 That's my day one brother right there, all right? I funded him 20 Gs on his 371 00:26:43,620 --> 00:26:46,280 first studio album, all right? He owes me everything. 372 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:48,640 Yeah, that's my broski right here. 373 00:26:50,660 --> 00:26:56,080 Bleak scene for Jeff Saxbury, who is processing being down $25,000 of his own 374 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,580 money. Oh, and my fish just died. 375 00:26:59,300 --> 00:27:01,440 Awesome! Did you neglect the fish? 376 00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:03,220 Uh... 377 00:27:04,010 --> 00:27:07,690 Hey there, fellas. Stop it with that talk. Everything is going to be fine. 378 00:27:07,890 --> 00:27:09,610 No, it's not. I can't afford this. 379 00:27:09,870 --> 00:27:10,870 Tell you what. 380 00:27:11,110 --> 00:27:12,910 I'd like to make you an offer, Mr. 381 00:27:13,250 --> 00:27:14,450 Basketball. It's sex theory. 382 00:27:14,710 --> 00:27:17,210 Watch your language, dipshit. Now get over here. 383 00:27:17,890 --> 00:27:19,770 I'm old and can't move very much. 384 00:27:20,330 --> 00:27:21,470 Nestle in my bosom. 385 00:27:24,690 --> 00:27:25,970 I like you, son. 386 00:27:27,030 --> 00:27:30,590 Maybe it's because you remind me of the boy that I grew up with. 387 00:27:30,950 --> 00:27:33,330 Went by the name of Charles Broccoli. 388 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:36,620 Charles and I went to Korea together. 389 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,920 The Koreans made me kill him. 390 00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,560 Told me they'd let me go. 391 00:27:40,820 --> 00:27:43,080 Just a little game they liked to play. 392 00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:45,700 They tortured me after that one. 393 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:48,800 Tied me to a chair and put a worm in my pocket. 394 00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:52,520 They put a worm in your pocket? Wait, what's the offer? They called that worm 395 00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,880 the Pamuli Bule. 396 00:27:56,140 --> 00:27:57,740 Of course, he didn't do anything. 397 00:27:58,180 --> 00:27:59,320 But it was the fear. 398 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:02,880 You never knew what that little bastard was up to. 399 00:28:03,100 --> 00:28:04,840 Okay, so, sorry, what's the offer? 400 00:28:05,180 --> 00:28:06,240 Oh, the offer? 401 00:28:07,460 --> 00:28:11,560 Whatever you lose tonight, if you lose, I'll cover it. I'll pay for it all. 402 00:28:12,100 --> 00:28:16,060 That's a lot of money, though. Look, I'm 90, and I respect teachers. 403 00:28:16,380 --> 00:28:18,120 You don't deserve all this. 404 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,340 We here chose the gambler's life. 405 00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:22,000 Oh, my God, you're serious. 406 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:24,240 Serious as a can of beans. 407 00:28:24,700 --> 00:28:28,620 Now, have fun out there, and talk to me after. 408 00:28:29,020 --> 00:28:30,480 Oh, my God. Thank you. 409 00:28:31,300 --> 00:28:32,740 Thank you so much. 410 00:28:33,020 --> 00:28:34,920 Oh, my God. You saved my life. 411 00:28:36,060 --> 00:28:37,900 Get me a fucking daiquiri. 412 00:28:39,260 --> 00:28:41,480 I like the way you have messed up your eyes. 413 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,900 I looked at the moon too long. My eyes went white. 414 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:46,760 You are like wolf. 415 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:51,440 Yeah, I'm hungry, too. Look at this cross talk. This is going fucking 416 00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:52,440 awesome. 417 00:28:55,060 --> 00:28:57,820 No one raises, and we're going to go four ways to the flop. 418 00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:02,360 Hey, Mr. Sex Teacher, don't you think it's crazy that kids in America don't 419 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:03,860 have any financial education? 420 00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,480 And wouldn't it be awesome if they could learn about crypto in a controlled 421 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:11,800 environment and grow their wallet exponentially? The school board says I'm 422 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,840 not allowed to acknowledge the existence of money with my students. 423 00:29:15,520 --> 00:29:16,720 Uh, 500. 424 00:29:18,460 --> 00:29:19,460 Raise 15. 425 00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:24,140 Mr. Sex Teacher, where did you purchase your Sweater Fest? 426 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:27,480 Uh, I found it at my friend Craig's house. 427 00:29:30,020 --> 00:29:31,600 Okay. Oh, man. Ready? 428 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:33,120 Call. 429 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,500 Jeff called. Not sure what his plan is with just a pair of fives. 430 00:29:36,860 --> 00:29:37,860 Okay. 431 00:29:38,020 --> 00:29:39,700 Pizza or burgers? 432 00:29:40,100 --> 00:29:41,100 Gun to your head. 433 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:44,360 What? Why'd you put gun to my head? 434 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:45,800 What are you talking about? 435 00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:48,600 I guess you have it. 436 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:51,760 Sorry I keep throwing your money away, Bob. 437 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:55,080 Bob? 438 00:29:55,940 --> 00:29:56,940 Bob. 439 00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,960 You crack me up, man. 440 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:08,740 Oh, oh, oh, I'm having so much fun, having so much fun. 500. 441 00:30:09,900 --> 00:30:10,980 Mob's been quiet. 442 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:15,500 Of course, he could be playing possum, coiled up like a snake. 443 00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:19,800 The snake in the possum, the beast master druid of poker. 444 00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:21,240 It's going great, guys. 445 00:30:21,780 --> 00:30:23,280 And he calls with 5-3. 446 00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,700 God, I just feel like it would be so goaded if kids could learn about crypto 447 00:30:27,700 --> 00:30:30,740 in a controlled environment and grow their wallet exponentially. 448 00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,380 Can you please stop plugging your crypto scam? 449 00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:36,500 Dude, it's not a scam. It's a legitimate financial opportunity targeted at 450 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:37,500 children. 451 00:30:38,580 --> 00:30:42,100 Mub with bottom pair, second pair for Scary the Dangerous. 452 00:30:42,420 --> 00:30:45,420 Look, honestly, if you don't want me here, I'll just tell all the poker pros 453 00:30:45,420 --> 00:30:47,360 in my flight logs not to come to your game anymore. 454 00:30:47,820 --> 00:30:50,580 Okay, you don't have to do that. Maybe I do. 455 00:30:51,150 --> 00:30:55,890 A straight draw to go with Mub's bottom pair. A four, five, or three would give 456 00:30:55,890 --> 00:30:57,550 him the joint. Expect a bet here. 457 00:30:57,970 --> 00:30:59,050 Actually, you know what? 458 00:30:59,270 --> 00:31:02,830 Maybe we go to Bob Mub's house in the Grand Canyon and everyone's allowed to 459 00:31:02,830 --> 00:31:04,370 wear hats for their side hustles. 460 00:31:05,250 --> 00:31:06,250 No bet. 461 00:31:06,310 --> 00:31:07,630 Scary is baffled. 462 00:31:07,910 --> 00:31:12,130 What do you think of that, Bob Mub? Bob Mub may be steely on the outside, but 463 00:31:12,130 --> 00:31:14,730 there is a thunderstorm going on in his mind. 464 00:31:15,530 --> 00:31:17,490 $10,000 from the saloon man. 465 00:31:18,090 --> 00:31:19,890 Oh, wow. 466 00:31:21,190 --> 00:31:25,810 A legendary move from Mub. It's the exact same mind game that he pulled in 467 00:31:25,810 --> 00:31:28,590 the final hand of the 1993 WSOP. 468 00:31:29,130 --> 00:31:33,890 This is the Bob Mub move, man. I was being this, bro. That clip was courtesy 469 00:31:33,890 --> 00:31:37,550 of Cryptogachi, our official flashback clip plug. 470 00:31:37,750 --> 00:31:38,750 That guy's fucking dead. 471 00:31:53,010 --> 00:31:54,010 21,000. 472 00:31:59,570 --> 00:32:01,610 All in. Oh, fuckies! 473 00:32:01,890 --> 00:32:05,630 I know you only have tens or nines. You think I have fever brain like Mr. 474 00:32:05,810 --> 00:32:06,810 Slutberry over there? 475 00:32:08,350 --> 00:32:12,590 Bad time to make a move, but he's only giving back 20 of the 90k he's up. He's 476 00:32:12,590 --> 00:32:13,590 been on fire. 477 00:32:14,150 --> 00:32:15,950 I need a break, man. Go to commercial. 478 00:32:18,350 --> 00:32:19,350 Uh, hello? 479 00:32:20,190 --> 00:32:25,470 This is Crypto Gochi. It is a type of toy that you feed cryptocurrency and 480 00:32:25,470 --> 00:32:29,990 kids give it money and in exchange they get pleasure. 481 00:32:30,690 --> 00:32:31,690 Crypto Gochi. 482 00:32:32,070 --> 00:32:33,070 Pleasure for child. 483 00:32:33,430 --> 00:32:37,050 What? No, don't go to commercial. Yolanda, come back. You can't fucking do 484 00:32:37,050 --> 00:32:40,530 that. We have not cleared that with legal. We can't fucking do that. I am so 485 00:32:40,530 --> 00:32:44,310 glad that nobody is watching this. No, hey, some people are watching. 486 00:32:44,610 --> 00:32:45,610 Everybody's watching. 487 00:32:46,290 --> 00:32:47,290 Huh? Fuck. 488 00:32:47,850 --> 00:32:49,090 I don't know if you guys know this. 489 00:32:49,420 --> 00:32:53,000 My dad is as high up at Amazon as you could possibly get, and he made it so 490 00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:55,940 this is streaming on everybody's phone and laptop right now. It's called 491 00:32:55,940 --> 00:32:56,940 mandatory content. 492 00:32:57,140 --> 00:32:58,260 It's the future, okay? 493 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,320 If you look away from your phone for one second, your phone emits a sharp honk, 494 00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:04,380 and if you look away for five, it smells like it's bleeding. 495 00:33:04,700 --> 00:33:07,440 It's the future, and we're really excited for Prime members to experience 496 00:33:07,440 --> 00:33:10,460 it. Well, there's not enough fucking action on this table, if that's the 497 00:33:10,460 --> 00:33:13,160 case. Can we get a $700 straddle going, maybe, please? 498 00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:16,120 You know what? Hey, could I get some Fernette? 499 00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:19,640 Let's all do a three-second chug of Fernette. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, I forgot 500 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,800 we can't, because fucking Poker Biden doesn't want that. 501 00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,780 It's your turn, my sleepy prince. 502 00:33:25,020 --> 00:33:28,680 Mup may have bet that wily old fox. 503 00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:30,900 Why are you being the whiny goose? 504 00:33:31,580 --> 00:33:32,820 You're up nine... 505 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:37,640 I need more, okay? Look, when you make as much money as I do, you are in debt 506 00:33:37,640 --> 00:33:41,520 to hundreds of people all the time. The Crypto Gochis aren't even in school, so 507 00:33:41,520 --> 00:33:45,240 we need you guys to do, like, advocacy for it. Could somebody please just put 508 00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:46,240 on this fucking hat? 509 00:33:46,700 --> 00:33:50,460 Bob Mob, you like hats. Maybe you want to see if this fits you. Put this on, 510 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:53,240 Bob Mob. Oh, my God, is he dead? 511 00:33:54,540 --> 00:33:55,539 Carry check. 512 00:33:55,540 --> 00:33:57,080 Mob. Has passed away. 513 00:33:57,300 --> 00:34:00,160 She poisoned him. No, no, I didn't. He's fine. 514 00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:01,940 Jeff, give him CPR. 515 00:34:02,660 --> 00:34:03,660 There's no CPR. 516 00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:05,080 Oh. 517 00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:08,420 Why'd he use one finger? I don't know. I don't know. It was possible. 518 00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:09,719 Shut up. 519 00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:11,780 You killed him. 520 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,520 He's not a crime, bro. He's an old man. He kicked a dumpster. He was going to 521 00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,460 pay off my debts, and you killed him. 522 00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:22,219 Oh, bro, this old pussy just died, and you're trying to line your pockets. 523 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:27,500 I know you put a chip in your pocket. I didn't. That was a clementine for later. 524 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:31,580 Oh. You did this because you hate me. 525 00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:34,400 No, bro. I don't know who you are. I don't respect teachers. 526 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:41,320 Thank you, bro. That guy is such a... Bro, don't be Mr. Too Nasty to me. You 527 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:46,380 want someone to take Bob Mob's seat, I can call Alien Ron, the booty doctor, 528 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:47,760 poker plankton. 529 00:34:48,300 --> 00:34:50,580 Yeah, but you think I give a fuck about your poker contacts? 530 00:34:51,260 --> 00:34:53,000 You have ruined this whole thing. 531 00:34:53,880 --> 00:34:58,880 You've been plugging a scam for children with crypto all night. Yeah. 532 00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,920 This is your fucking fault. 533 00:35:02,260 --> 00:35:03,260 Fucking Jeff. 534 00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:07,260 You ruined his life. You tricked him into borrowing more money than he will 535 00:35:07,260 --> 00:35:09,720 ever see. He's dead. And that's because of you. 536 00:35:10,100 --> 00:35:13,560 Facts. Because you're a bad fucking dude. 537 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:18,940 Me? Everybody fucking loves me, dude. I'm the coolest guy in the fucking 538 00:35:18,940 --> 00:35:19,940 world. But you? 539 00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:24,100 You're some backwards dog fucker from some Borat country. We should have 540 00:35:24,100 --> 00:35:25,120 looked before you were born. 541 00:35:25,660 --> 00:35:26,660 Oh, 542 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:28,780 yeah, put that fucking phone away, bro. 543 00:35:29,340 --> 00:35:30,340 I own you. 544 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:31,680 You get that? 545 00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:35,630 If I make one phone call... You're deported. I make two phone calls. You're 546 00:35:35,630 --> 00:35:40,130 deported in a fucking crate like the animal that you are. You fucking animal. 547 00:35:40,210 --> 00:35:43,810 You fucking animal. You don't have to keep repeating animals. You're more 548 00:35:43,810 --> 00:35:44,970 fucking foreign than he is. 549 00:35:45,270 --> 00:35:46,270 No. 550 00:35:47,370 --> 00:35:50,070 My family made your fucking career, bud. 551 00:35:50,390 --> 00:35:54,910 And we could have you flipping bricks in West Compton tomorrow. 552 00:35:55,710 --> 00:35:56,790 I'm from Boston. 553 00:35:57,650 --> 00:35:59,410 Did you guys hear that? 554 00:35:59,820 --> 00:36:03,780 That was crazy. No, no, no. Oh, no, we're fine. We're fine. Hey, Rothko. 555 00:36:04,260 --> 00:36:06,340 Heal him up. Heal him up. Trash talk, man. I'm hot. 556 00:36:06,620 --> 00:36:09,120 Come on. Everybody hates you, gay BJ. No, no, no. 557 00:36:09,900 --> 00:36:12,780 No, it's fine. All right, all right. We're done. We're done. Cut the fucking 558 00:36:12,780 --> 00:36:14,500 stream. Cut the fucking stream. 559 00:36:16,340 --> 00:36:19,560 All right, everybody. That's going to do it for this week's episode of Poker 560 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:23,340 Night at the Pleasure Trove. I know we had some fun, maybe a little trash talk, 561 00:36:23,380 --> 00:36:24,380 but at the end of the day. 562 00:36:24,590 --> 00:36:27,770 It's all love. Special shout out to the legend Bob Mug for rolling through. 563 00:36:27,870 --> 00:36:29,690 Thank you, Big Dog. Can't wait to have you back. 564 00:36:29,930 --> 00:36:30,930 Peace. 565 00:36:31,390 --> 00:36:33,270 Good. You get it? Yeah, good. 566 00:36:37,490 --> 00:36:38,490 Amber? 567 00:36:40,630 --> 00:36:41,890 Yeah? I need to take this call. 568 00:36:42,110 --> 00:36:43,110 I need to take this call. 569 00:36:43,270 --> 00:36:45,610 Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Go ahead. 570 00:36:46,350 --> 00:36:47,350 Hi, 571 00:36:50,650 --> 00:36:51,650 Mike. 572 00:36:52,730 --> 00:36:53,730 Uh-huh. 573 00:36:53,880 --> 00:36:55,400 Yeah, how was your weekend? 574 00:36:56,980 --> 00:36:58,760 Uh-huh, I'm on set right now. 575 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,080 Yeah, and how was your wife? 576 00:37:01,740 --> 00:37:03,100 That fun infection? 577 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:04,880 Thank you. 578 00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:06,860 Oh, okay. 579 00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:08,960 Send her my love. 580 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:14,880 So, yeah, do we have news? 581 00:37:22,660 --> 00:37:23,660 Okay. 582 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:27,400 They went in a different direction. 583 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:35,560 Do you think this has, like, anything to do with the trial? 584 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:43,940 What's more terrifying than the ravages of age? 585 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,160 My ex-husband. 586 00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,380 Oh, oh, oh. Can I do it again? 587 00:37:52,860 --> 00:37:55,600 I'm sorry. This is really uncomfortable with the shoes. 588 00:37:59,300 --> 00:38:00,520 My ex-husband. 589 00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:01,760 That's it. 590 00:38:04,020 --> 00:38:05,020 No. 591 00:38:05,920 --> 00:38:09,940 Seriously. This next fairy tale is about cancer. 592 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:16,600 And how it tears apart your family, your ego, and your asshole. 593 00:38:17,240 --> 00:38:18,340 Dare to watch. 594 00:41:43,569 --> 00:41:44,569 What, that's it? 595 00:41:44,830 --> 00:41:45,830 I don't get it. 596 00:41:46,050 --> 00:41:48,190 Exactly. What the hell do you mean exactly? 597 00:41:48,470 --> 00:41:49,470 It doesn't make any sense. 598 00:41:49,710 --> 00:41:53,350 Maybe a political ad in 2016 shouldn't make sense. 599 00:41:54,110 --> 00:41:55,690 I'll tell you what doesn't make sense to me. 600 00:41:57,030 --> 00:42:01,230 America. Yeah, but I mean... What, it's about toilet paper? 601 00:42:01,670 --> 00:42:03,710 It's about how America sucks. 602 00:42:04,230 --> 00:42:07,710 I don't know if we want to say that. It should be the billionaires. We should 603 00:42:07,710 --> 00:42:09,310 say the billionaires suck, not America. 604 00:42:09,510 --> 00:42:10,910 Healthcare sucks. 605 00:42:11,450 --> 00:42:14,150 Yeah, I see what you're saying, but I feel like it'll be a little confusing 606 00:42:14,150 --> 00:42:16,830 for people. The third is the government. 607 00:42:17,770 --> 00:42:23,110 And wiping is voting. But why is it a bear taking a dump? 608 00:42:23,530 --> 00:42:26,010 No, Bernie, maybe the problem is you didn't pay us enough money. 609 00:42:26,470 --> 00:42:27,990 But I gave you $500. 610 00:42:29,770 --> 00:42:30,870 Maybe it should have been a billion. 611 00:42:32,430 --> 00:42:33,570 Okay, let me ask you this. 612 00:42:34,230 --> 00:42:36,070 Those croissants out there by the elevator. 613 00:42:37,950 --> 00:42:39,170 What about the croissants? 614 00:42:39,950 --> 00:42:40,950 And I have one. 615 00:42:41,450 --> 00:42:42,450 No. 616 00:42:44,210 --> 00:42:47,870 Peggy, make sure Bernie doesn't take any of those croissants. 617 00:42:50,410 --> 00:42:53,430 Well, that was one hell of a scream. 618 00:42:57,630 --> 00:43:02,430 It was good. 619 00:43:02,630 --> 00:43:03,750 Are you serious? 620 00:43:04,070 --> 00:43:05,770 Are you guys serious? 621 00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:11,280 Ruby, it's like a joke. We're having fun. No, no, no, no. I know that this is 622 00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:16,900 all fun and games, but I'm an actress, which means that I take this seriously. 623 00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:22,420 No, I was Lady Macbeth, directed by Roman Polanski Jr. 624 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,480 at the Bakersfield Globe, okay? I'm serious. 625 00:43:26,080 --> 00:43:27,080 I'm serious. 626 00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:28,158 Get it? 627 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:29,580 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. 628 00:43:37,070 --> 00:43:38,070 Well, here you are. 629 00:43:38,550 --> 00:43:39,550 Thank you, yeah. 630 00:43:39,690 --> 00:43:40,690 You have a good night tonight? 631 00:43:41,470 --> 00:43:42,470 Yeah. 632 00:45:57,130 --> 00:46:01,490 dangerous intersections of School Street and Circle Drive, leaving the police 633 00:46:01,490 --> 00:46:02,950 scratching their heads. 634 00:46:03,330 --> 00:46:08,750 Also, all chicken, pork, and beef products are once again subject to a 635 00:46:08,750 --> 00:46:10,450 safety recall for the... 636 00:46:33,899 --> 00:46:34,900 What the fuck? 637 00:46:35,880 --> 00:46:39,280 Hey there, buddy. What you doing? You stealing that bike? Oh, no, no, no, no. 638 00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:40,400 Yeah, no. All right. 639 00:46:40,540 --> 00:46:42,340 Your hands behind your back. Yeah, I'm dead serious. 640 00:46:43,560 --> 00:46:44,560 Yeah, 641 00:46:44,980 --> 00:46:45,819 take a seat. 642 00:46:45,820 --> 00:46:46,820 It's happening. 643 00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:48,640 Shut up. 644 00:47:02,700 --> 00:47:09,480 Yeah, don't mind if I do gotcha Hey 645 00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:18,840 Doug 646 00:47:38,100 --> 00:47:40,580 Tables? What, like a termite? 647 00:47:41,220 --> 00:47:42,220 Yeah. 648 00:47:42,940 --> 00:47:45,360 Wow, that is a gorgeous desktop background. 649 00:47:45,900 --> 00:47:47,440 Is that table yours? 650 00:47:47,820 --> 00:47:50,040 Yeah. Oh my god, it's gorgeous. 651 00:47:50,680 --> 00:47:52,080 Take good care of that thing. 652 00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:57,460 I will. Listen, you get back to work. Because if you finish your quota by five 653 00:47:57,460 --> 00:48:00,160 today, you're eligible to have a remote drink. 654 00:48:57,480 --> 00:49:01,660 I don't know. I'm not seeing any evidence of insect activity anywhere in 655 00:49:01,660 --> 00:49:02,299 the house. 656 00:49:02,300 --> 00:49:03,620 Yeah, it's just a table. 657 00:49:04,200 --> 00:49:07,340 Wow, that is a nice table, man. 658 00:49:08,720 --> 00:49:10,540 Was a nice table, sorry. 659 00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:15,540 Look, I just need you to kill whatever termite did this. 660 00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:17,200 Termite? 661 00:49:17,860 --> 00:49:22,460 Buddy, the size of a termite that could do something like this, you'd be better 662 00:49:22,460 --> 00:49:23,460 off calling a priest. 663 00:49:23,620 --> 00:49:25,120 So you can't do anything at all? 664 00:49:26,319 --> 00:49:28,820 Not unless I know what I'm dealing with here. 665 00:49:29,060 --> 00:49:31,880 And between you and me, man, I don't really want to know. 666 00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:37,300 Listen, I'm not going to charge you for this, but don't call me again, OK? 667 00:51:18,250 --> 00:51:19,250 Get back here! 668 00:51:22,150 --> 00:51:26,190 Oh, crap! 669 00:51:28,850 --> 00:51:32,010 You know, with things like this, it's better to just pretend that they're not 670 00:51:32,010 --> 00:51:33,010 happening. 671 00:51:33,230 --> 00:51:34,230 Yeah. 672 00:51:35,470 --> 00:51:38,450 Yeah, but it's just really bothering me. 673 00:51:38,650 --> 00:51:42,430 You know, I think it's time that we get back into talking about your parents. 674 00:51:43,050 --> 00:51:45,630 When did you first notice that they were getting sick? 675 00:51:48,650 --> 00:51:51,890 It's important to remember that they paid the ultimate price for what they 676 00:51:51,890 --> 00:51:52,890 did. I have to go. 677 00:51:53,010 --> 00:51:54,010 Okay, goodbye. 678 00:53:22,860 --> 00:53:23,980 What can I do for you? 679 00:53:25,500 --> 00:53:28,400 Uh, yeah. Do you guys sell security cameras? 680 00:53:29,140 --> 00:53:31,200 No kidding. We just got some in. Right here. 681 00:53:31,940 --> 00:53:32,940 How many do you need? 682 00:53:33,980 --> 00:53:36,880 Um, I guess I'll just take all of them. 683 00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:40,360 All of them? Fine by me. Anything else I can grab you while you're here? 684 00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:44,020 Um, yeah. Do you guys have table poison? 685 00:53:50,080 --> 00:53:51,080 What'd you just say? 686 00:53:52,010 --> 00:53:53,370 I said table poison? 687 00:53:57,330 --> 00:54:00,450 Look, buddy, I don't know what you're into. And I don't want to know. 688 00:54:02,470 --> 00:54:03,730 I'm going to get you what you want. 689 00:54:04,510 --> 00:54:07,610 You can never come here again. Not for security cameras. 690 00:54:09,150 --> 00:54:11,110 Not for... PP. 691 00:54:12,390 --> 00:54:14,770 Never. I never want to see your fucking face again. 692 00:54:16,030 --> 00:54:17,030 You understand me? 693 00:54:19,450 --> 00:54:20,450 Yes, sir. 694 00:54:22,380 --> 00:54:25,260 Great. So, table poison, just one can? 695 00:54:25,500 --> 00:54:27,500 Yeah, just one can. Got it. 696 00:54:28,440 --> 00:54:29,900 There she is. 697 00:54:31,140 --> 00:54:32,140 Okay, 698 00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:39,180 that's six of the security cameras, one table poison. 699 00:54:39,960 --> 00:54:43,500 Okay. How much is that? That'll be $630. 700 00:54:44,660 --> 00:54:45,720 Do you do credit? 701 00:54:46,380 --> 00:54:48,580 Credit? No, I can take a check. 702 00:54:49,020 --> 00:54:50,020 Okay. 703 00:54:50,260 --> 00:54:51,260 Do a check. 704 00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:55,640 Thank you. 705 00:58:46,730 --> 00:58:48,990 Why did you poison your table? 706 00:58:49,390 --> 00:58:51,170 You're just a guy? 707 00:58:51,570 --> 00:58:55,810 I thought you were some kind of big termite or something. You're just a guy? 708 00:58:55,950 --> 00:58:58,570 Why are you just a guy? I'm just an average guy. 709 00:58:58,950 --> 00:59:03,410 I'm just a normal guy. Help me, please. My God, why did you eat my table? I 710 00:59:03,410 --> 00:59:05,850 couldn't help it. You made it seem so delicious. 711 00:59:06,570 --> 00:59:07,830 What the fuck is this? 712 00:59:08,430 --> 00:59:12,070 Wait, I recognize you. I recognize you. Yeah! 713 00:59:13,230 --> 00:59:14,990 All right, well, here you are. 714 00:59:16,130 --> 00:59:17,250 You have a good night tonight? 715 00:59:18,210 --> 00:59:19,210 Yeah. 716 00:59:19,490 --> 00:59:23,270 Yeah, but the whole time I just couldn't stop thinking about my table. 717 00:59:23,630 --> 00:59:24,830 A table fan, huh? 718 00:59:25,210 --> 00:59:26,850 Yeah, yeah, tried and true. 719 00:59:29,610 --> 00:59:31,650 You know, I'm something of a table fan myself. 720 00:59:32,770 --> 00:59:33,770 No way. 721 00:59:33,790 --> 00:59:38,750 Yes way. Oh, my God, dude. Hold on. Let me show you this. Come on, let me see. 722 00:59:38,770 --> 00:59:39,770 Look at that thing. 723 00:59:40,620 --> 00:59:43,880 Yeah. She's a beaut. She is a beaut. 724 00:59:44,420 --> 00:59:48,740 Yeah. I mean, it changed my life completely. I want to eat that table. 725 00:59:51,280 --> 00:59:52,280 What? 726 00:59:52,820 --> 00:59:57,080 I said, I want to eat that table. 727 01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:05,740 You're crazy, man. 728 01:00:08,580 --> 01:00:10,100 You're crazy. I know. 729 01:00:10,300 --> 01:00:15,700 You must be really hungry. Oh, my God. I don't think I could ever eat a table. 730 01:00:16,080 --> 01:00:21,620 I mean, if I was going to eat a table, I would definitely eat that table. Well, 731 01:00:21,620 --> 01:00:23,580 here you go. Thank you, Bert. That's fantastic. 732 01:00:24,260 --> 01:00:26,660 Have a good night. Yep. You as well, my friend. 733 01:00:37,930 --> 01:00:39,430 I was the Uber driver. 734 01:00:40,930 --> 01:00:42,490 Why did you eat my table? 735 01:00:43,070 --> 01:00:44,070 I'd do it again. 736 01:00:44,230 --> 01:00:45,270 You'd do it again? 737 01:00:45,550 --> 01:00:49,850 If they made me sick, I'd do it again. Let me eat this dresser. 738 01:00:50,350 --> 01:00:52,090 Here I come. 739 01:00:52,730 --> 01:00:53,910 Don't shoot there. 740 01:00:54,310 --> 01:00:56,450 You're way too sick to touch my dresser. 741 01:00:57,730 --> 01:01:02,550 You want me to help you? You want help? You're going to have to ask God for 742 01:01:02,550 --> 01:01:03,550 help. Please, God. 743 01:01:04,010 --> 01:01:05,490 You ate my table. 744 01:01:07,180 --> 01:01:09,020 And now, I'm going to eat you. 745 01:01:11,860 --> 01:01:12,340 This 746 01:01:12,340 --> 01:01:19,880 is 747 01:01:19,880 --> 01:01:21,420 the punishment for my crimes! 748 01:01:22,140 --> 01:01:26,480 Oh, God, forgive me! Forgive me for what I thought I'd see the people like right 749 01:01:26,480 --> 01:01:27,480 now! 750 01:01:33,640 --> 01:01:34,640 Yep. 751 01:01:37,450 --> 01:01:39,090 I ate every last bite. 752 01:01:39,630 --> 01:01:43,950 And the scariest thing is, all of this actually happened. 753 01:01:44,650 --> 01:01:46,810 I'm currently serving a life sentence. 754 01:01:47,650 --> 01:01:52,610 But while I rot in prison, there are still eaters out there. 755 01:01:53,350 --> 01:01:54,470 And they're hungry. 756 01:01:55,650 --> 01:01:58,270 And they just might be coming for your table next. 757 01:02:01,960 --> 01:02:08,660 Sometimes, after I lavish my gullet with my potion du jour, my indentured ghoul 758 01:02:08,660 --> 01:02:10,360 gets me something to eat. 759 01:02:11,280 --> 01:02:16,580 Now, the undead like me, we don't eat much. But on occasion, I like to treat 760 01:02:16,580 --> 01:02:22,220 myself to Bakerfield's finest beef burger from Whitney's. Straight off the 761 01:02:22,220 --> 01:02:23,540 five. That's right. 762 01:02:24,180 --> 01:02:29,000 Bakersfield's finest beef burger from Whizzy's. One bite just isn't enough 763 01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:34,340 when it comes to Bakersfield's finest beef burger from Whizzy's. Ruby, don't. 764 01:02:34,340 --> 01:02:36,460 It's public television. It's into commercials. 765 01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:39,420 And you don't want to put that in your mouth. 766 01:02:39,740 --> 01:02:45,620 Amber, I always run orcs here. Let me do it. Well, you don't want to put that in 767 01:02:45,620 --> 01:02:48,120 your mouth either. But I'm telling you, you are going to. That's right. 768 01:02:48,620 --> 01:02:51,320 Bakersfield's finest beef burger from Whizzy's. 769 01:02:53,450 --> 01:02:54,550 We all find out eventually. 770 01:02:55,430 --> 01:02:56,430 Mm-hmm. 771 01:02:56,650 --> 01:02:58,570 Yeah. You happy you did that? 772 01:02:58,790 --> 01:02:59,649 Feel good? 773 01:02:59,650 --> 01:03:00,408 Feel good? 774 01:03:00,410 --> 01:03:02,190 Mm-hmm. Oh, actress. 775 01:03:02,730 --> 01:03:03,730 Actress. Oh, okay. 776 01:03:04,010 --> 01:03:05,230 Okay, get her some water. Get her some water. 777 01:03:05,610 --> 01:03:06,770 Get her some water. Not from the jars? 778 01:03:07,030 --> 01:03:08,530 Not the jars. Never the jars. 779 01:03:08,750 --> 01:03:10,310 What's with you and the fucking jars? Some 780 01:03:10,310 --> 01:03:19,690 say 781 01:03:19,690 --> 01:03:21,370 we're alone in the universe. 782 01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:24,700 And some say we're most certainly not. 783 01:03:26,020 --> 01:03:29,820 Preoccupying the minds of man for thousands of years. 784 01:03:30,340 --> 01:03:36,280 What and who are on these other planets? On these other galaxies? 785 01:03:37,100 --> 01:03:42,800 And do we really, do we really want to meet them? Would they be beautiful? 786 01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:44,820 Ugly? Dumb? 787 01:03:45,100 --> 01:03:46,100 Wise? 788 01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:50,500 Are there consequences for knowing the secret? 789 01:03:50,970 --> 01:03:51,970 of the universe? 790 01:03:54,950 --> 01:04:01,290 My name is Claywoman. I am 500 791 01:04:01,290 --> 01:04:05,570 million years old and I come from the Marillion Galaxy. 792 01:04:07,870 --> 01:04:11,090 I'd like you to make a mistake. 793 01:04:11,950 --> 01:04:14,070 Right now. Just make one. 794 01:04:16,870 --> 01:04:20,410 It's difficult, isn't it? Because you're thinking to yourself, well, what? 795 01:04:20,780 --> 01:04:22,700 I don't know, what is a mistake? 796 01:04:23,060 --> 01:04:24,440 And that's just a thing. 797 01:04:24,820 --> 01:04:25,900 What is a ju- 798 01:04:25,900 --> 01:04:43,500 Fucking 799 01:04:43,500 --> 01:04:47,720 mother fucker let's fucking clip! 800 01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:49,540 What is going on? Oh god! 801 01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:50,880 Damn it, Claire. 802 01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:54,480 Oh, my God. Jesus Christ, you're flooding the downstairs. Okay, Victor, 803 01:04:54,600 --> 01:04:58,100 you can't just walk into my apartment, okay? You have to respect my... I'm the 804 01:04:58,100 --> 01:05:00,680 landlord, okay? You're drowning the guy downstairs. 805 01:05:00,960 --> 01:05:02,180 You're destroying the wall. 806 01:05:02,600 --> 01:05:06,400 It's not me. You need to take a shower like my generation does. 807 01:05:06,680 --> 01:05:09,400 You need to take a shower like a normal person. I want to be normal. I want to 808 01:05:09,400 --> 01:05:12,980 be able to... Here come the girlies. I'm supposed to feel sorry for you. 809 01:05:16,140 --> 01:05:17,140 Okay. 810 01:05:18,160 --> 01:05:19,160 Watch, Victor. 811 01:05:19,320 --> 01:05:20,880 Look, I turned the water on. 812 01:05:21,180 --> 01:05:25,360 Okay. Okay, the water's on. Okay, that's enough. That's enough, though. No, no, 813 01:05:25,380 --> 01:05:26,980 no, no. Oh, my God, Cliff. 814 01:05:27,220 --> 01:05:31,720 Oh, no. Am I doing anything weird? Yes, you are. You're just dripping down the 815 01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:33,600 wall. It's not. There's a crack. 816 01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:35,940 You're killing me. 817 01:05:39,220 --> 01:05:40,220 What's happening? 818 01:05:40,900 --> 01:05:43,760 Can we talk about this later? No, we can't talk about this later. We talked 819 01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:44,760 about it now, okay? 820 01:05:44,920 --> 01:05:47,360 Get out of my house. I can't. I got to go check your A.C. 821 01:05:47,770 --> 01:05:52,110 Because that's leaking, too. How come every fucking thing in your house has... 822 01:05:52,110 --> 01:05:54,270 Oh, Jesus motherfucking Christ. 823 01:05:54,690 --> 01:05:55,690 So what's up? 824 01:05:56,250 --> 01:06:01,270 Um, you need to come to the studio right now. They're doing videos without you. 825 01:06:01,770 --> 01:06:02,709 Of what? 826 01:06:02,710 --> 01:06:04,550 The woman, the alien lady. 827 01:06:04,790 --> 01:06:05,790 Claywoman? Yeah. 828 01:06:05,950 --> 01:06:09,790 Oh, no, it's fine. I actually told Genesis she could work out some ideas 829 01:06:09,790 --> 01:06:13,950 while I was gone. No, no, you don't understand. It's not the meditations, 830 01:06:13,970 --> 01:06:16,390 the things that you like to do. It's something else, and it's... 831 01:06:16,590 --> 01:06:19,570 I think you should take a look at this. It's a live stream that they're doing 832 01:06:19,570 --> 01:06:20,570 right now. 833 01:06:22,030 --> 01:06:23,030 Claywoman. 834 01:06:23,490 --> 01:06:26,770 Oh. Are you ready for a question? Oh, no. It's bad. 835 01:06:28,210 --> 01:06:29,210 It's stupid. 836 01:06:29,570 --> 01:06:31,630 People are watching. 837 01:06:32,990 --> 01:06:33,990 I'm going to go. 838 01:06:34,350 --> 01:06:37,770 I'm going to go with you. No, I need you to stay here and keep an eye on Victor. 839 01:06:37,930 --> 01:06:39,810 Okay. I am going to fix this. 840 01:06:40,300 --> 01:06:43,740 We can't introduce a 500-million-year-old extraterrestrial to 841 01:06:43,740 --> 01:06:45,860 the world through one of Genesis' dumb ideas. 842 01:06:46,860 --> 01:06:47,860 I'm going to pick this. 843 01:07:00,280 --> 01:07:05,460 So, Claywoman, the next question is from BargainTiles4987. 844 01:07:06,020 --> 01:07:07,720 Thank you. You're welcome. 845 01:07:08,110 --> 01:07:12,310 So they want to know why you look so... Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I know where 846 01:07:12,310 --> 01:07:16,530 this is going. And, you know, the reason that I look so fascinating is because 847 01:07:16,530 --> 01:07:18,170 I'm not from your galaxy. 848 01:07:19,110 --> 01:07:25,990 I'm over 500 million years old, which is a long time to be around and a long 849 01:07:25,990 --> 01:07:30,350 time to try and articulate a reason for being around. 850 01:07:31,410 --> 01:07:35,230 But the question... That wasn't the question, Cleveland. 851 01:07:35,550 --> 01:07:36,550 Hmm. 852 01:07:38,460 --> 01:07:40,360 Oh, hi. We were just about to text you. What are you doing? 853 01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:42,660 Claire, we're doing a live stream. Can you not yell? 854 01:07:42,940 --> 01:07:44,880 No. No, we had a plan. 855 01:07:45,100 --> 01:07:46,520 What are you doing? 856 01:07:46,980 --> 01:07:51,100 What's going on here? Jennifer decided to take Claywoman in a new direction. 857 01:07:51,300 --> 01:07:53,160 Just something fresh, something new. 858 01:07:53,600 --> 01:07:56,260 Right now we're live streaming Claywoman to all her new fans. 859 01:07:56,540 --> 01:07:57,540 Her fans? 860 01:07:58,620 --> 01:07:59,820 You're jealous, huh? 861 01:08:01,140 --> 01:08:02,360 What about the meditations? 862 01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:03,720 Claire. 863 01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:05,240 The meditations. 864 01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:08,680 Don't work. 865 01:08:09,080 --> 01:08:10,640 Look at this. This is pathetic. 866 01:08:11,300 --> 01:08:12,340 Ten followers. 867 01:08:12,780 --> 01:08:13,780 Top comment. 868 01:08:14,260 --> 01:08:16,200 It's all just like QAnon wives. 869 01:08:16,819 --> 01:08:21,520 I have to say I'm really disappointed in that reaction, you know? I mean, I don't 870 01:08:21,520 --> 01:08:25,680 mean to be self-referential, but I would have thought that my existence would 871 01:08:25,680 --> 01:08:27,540 have been of some note on its own. 872 01:08:28,140 --> 01:08:31,979 Videos just haven't found their audience yet. Yeah, but our live stream has. 873 01:08:32,580 --> 01:08:33,600 I mean... 874 01:08:34,109 --> 01:08:37,670 These people don't understand, like, what's great about Claywoman. 875 01:08:38,010 --> 01:08:39,229 Stop gatekeeping, Claire. 876 01:08:39,790 --> 01:08:42,630 I mean, Claywoman, doesn't this bother you? It doesn't bother me. 877 01:08:42,890 --> 01:08:43,890 See? 878 01:08:44,189 --> 01:08:45,189 Eric, what are you doing? 879 01:08:45,590 --> 01:08:48,010 Just adjust the light and then go back to your area. 880 01:08:48,510 --> 01:08:52,290 Eric, let's go. This is getting a little bit ridiculous. 881 01:08:53,029 --> 01:08:54,130 It's not your light. 882 01:08:54,590 --> 01:08:56,649 This needs to be cleaned up. Am I right? 883 01:08:57,170 --> 01:08:58,170 Claywoman? 884 01:08:58,830 --> 01:09:00,850 Don't you like doing the meditations better? 885 01:09:01,130 --> 01:09:03,430 Oh, you know I love doing those. Exactly. 886 01:09:03,710 --> 01:09:05,390 But, you know, either way is fine. 887 01:09:05,810 --> 01:09:08,770 I mean, really, it's inconsequential in the bigger picture. 888 01:09:09,330 --> 01:09:10,330 Oh, my God. 889 01:09:12,410 --> 01:09:14,430 What a waste. 890 01:09:14,770 --> 01:09:18,810 Oh, I don't think it's a waste. You know, if it doesn't work, they'll learn 891 01:09:18,810 --> 01:09:22,350 something. It's not going to work, though. 892 01:09:22,569 --> 01:09:24,569 And you're all going to die. 893 01:09:24,830 --> 01:09:28,149 Don't you think? Rather soon in my timeline. You should be listening to 894 01:09:28,149 --> 01:09:32,380 her. She's 500 million years old. You can't debase her by making her do these 895 01:09:32,380 --> 01:09:36,660 stupid, stupid live streams. No, it's fine, really. Oh, my God, stop 896 01:09:36,660 --> 01:09:37,639 contradicting me. 897 01:09:37,640 --> 01:09:40,100 I don't think she likes you. 898 01:09:40,359 --> 01:09:41,359 Yeah, she seems upset. 899 01:09:41,640 --> 01:09:42,640 I'm not upset. 900 01:09:46,560 --> 01:09:53,180 Claywoman, what is your ambivalence in assuming the role of a prophet or the 901 01:09:53,180 --> 01:09:54,480 Messiah here on Earth? 902 01:09:55,980 --> 01:09:57,240 My ambivalence? 903 01:09:58,090 --> 01:10:04,310 It's because that's not what I am. But to me, you represent a true possibility 904 01:10:04,310 --> 01:10:05,310 of enlightenment. 905 01:10:05,970 --> 01:10:12,430 You come from a peaceful galaxy. You have knowledge of our origins, where 906 01:10:12,430 --> 01:10:14,770 we're coming from and where we're going. 907 01:10:15,410 --> 01:10:20,770 Yet you don't give easy answers. You speak in riddles and koan. 908 01:10:21,050 --> 01:10:25,870 Well, perhaps it's because I don't have the answers. 909 01:10:27,430 --> 01:10:29,210 But I just don't think that's true. 910 01:10:30,610 --> 01:10:35,970 You know, Claire, it's not actually cool of you to barge in on us and interrupt 911 01:10:35,970 --> 01:10:38,070 us while we're working. You're going to get mad at me? 912 01:10:38,510 --> 01:10:42,490 When you are the one who explicitly broke your word because we promised not 913 01:10:42,490 --> 01:10:46,830 to do exactly what you're doing. You explicitly promised to let me experiment 914 01:10:46,830 --> 01:10:50,250 and try new things in new forms. Yes, but within the container that we'd 915 01:10:50,250 --> 01:10:52,270 previously established. And the container that we'd previously 916 01:10:52,270 --> 01:10:53,270 established is sick. 917 01:10:53,650 --> 01:10:55,130 It's full of failure. 918 01:10:55,370 --> 01:10:56,370 Like you. 919 01:10:57,240 --> 01:11:03,280 You're a very thick person, Claire. You think I'm a thick person? Yeah, I do 920 01:11:03,280 --> 01:11:07,220 think that. I think that you're a thick person, palindrome. I think that you, 921 01:11:07,280 --> 01:11:11,540 palindrome, are a thick person because you are the henchman. I'm just going to 922 01:11:11,540 --> 01:11:18,380 take a turn off your mic, Pat. I figured you'd 923 01:11:18,380 --> 01:11:19,380 want some privacy. 924 01:11:20,020 --> 01:11:21,760 My perception of you, honestly. 925 01:11:25,660 --> 01:11:27,760 So you're from another planet? 926 01:11:28,160 --> 01:11:31,180 Yes, I am. Well, from another galaxy, actually. 927 01:11:31,980 --> 01:11:33,080 That's really beautiful. 928 01:11:33,420 --> 01:11:34,420 Yes, great. 929 01:11:36,380 --> 01:11:38,220 Do you like it here? 930 01:11:38,580 --> 01:11:42,840 Well, you know, I started coming because my friend Maria was telling me about it, 931 01:11:42,860 --> 01:11:45,180 and I just kept coming back. You know, it's a great place. 932 01:11:47,260 --> 01:11:48,480 So you like it here? 933 01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:49,860 Oh, yeah, I love it. 934 01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:52,360 It's really my favourite planet. 935 01:11:56,240 --> 01:11:57,240 It's not mine. 936 01:11:57,480 --> 01:11:58,480 Really, it's not? 937 01:11:58,760 --> 01:12:00,320 You don't like it very much, do you? 938 01:12:00,740 --> 01:12:01,740 Oh, yeah. 939 01:12:02,340 --> 01:12:03,340 No. 940 01:12:03,700 --> 01:12:07,660 You know what? I think maybe you should take a look around again. Give it 941 01:12:07,660 --> 01:12:08,660 another try. 942 01:12:10,600 --> 01:12:17,080 Do you think you could do one of those meditations that everyone's talking 943 01:12:17,080 --> 01:12:18,080 about? 944 01:12:18,420 --> 01:12:19,420 Yes. 945 01:12:19,640 --> 01:12:21,580 I would be delighted to do that. 946 01:12:22,160 --> 01:12:23,820 Really, so just... 947 01:12:24,090 --> 01:12:25,510 Yeah, I guess you could turn off the light. 948 01:12:27,770 --> 01:12:29,350 Wonderful. All right. 949 01:12:29,710 --> 01:12:33,430 Now, move your head slightly to the left. 950 01:12:34,670 --> 01:12:36,750 And then slightly to the right. 951 01:12:38,510 --> 01:12:40,610 About a millimeter up. 952 01:12:42,810 --> 01:12:43,810 That's good. 953 01:12:43,950 --> 01:12:48,990 Now imagine you're standing on a spoon. 954 01:12:49,990 --> 01:12:52,810 And it's great. 955 01:12:53,470 --> 01:12:58,110 Now, of course, I don't think I need to tell you which part of the spoon you're 956 01:12:58,110 --> 01:12:59,110 standing on. 957 01:12:59,750 --> 01:13:03,210 There are two general parts of a spoon. 958 01:13:04,310 --> 01:13:05,850 One is rather ordinary. 959 01:13:06,430 --> 01:13:09,730 It could be anything, really. It could be a fork, a knife. 960 01:13:10,670 --> 01:13:12,830 But there's the other part of the spoon. 961 01:13:14,630 --> 01:13:18,430 The part of the spoon that is rather iconic. 962 01:13:18,890 --> 01:13:21,530 You look up and you see a crane. 963 01:13:22,250 --> 01:13:23,250 A crane. 964 01:13:24,290 --> 01:13:31,070 Not really sure, though, whether it's the animal 965 01:13:31,070 --> 01:13:35,890 crane or the type of crane that one might use in construction. 966 01:13:42,410 --> 01:13:44,810 Taking it back a bit, that you can't figure this out. 967 01:13:45,870 --> 01:13:49,850 You get a bit closer to the crane, and then you say, 968 01:13:50,860 --> 01:13:52,420 As loud as you can muster. 969 01:13:53,140 --> 01:13:54,140 Hey! 970 01:13:54,780 --> 01:13:55,780 Crane! 971 01:13:56,980 --> 01:13:59,340 Are you the animal crane? 972 01:14:00,040 --> 01:14:02,900 Or the type of crane that one might use in construction? 973 01:14:03,680 --> 01:14:07,140 And the crane looks back at you and says, well, it's none of your business. 974 01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:09,960 Why are you asking me this? 975 01:14:11,320 --> 01:14:12,320 How dare you? 976 01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:18,640 How do you feel? 977 01:14:22,470 --> 01:14:23,470 You feel better, right? 978 01:14:23,650 --> 01:14:25,990 Yeah. I thought so. It seemed like you did. 979 01:14:26,250 --> 01:14:29,450 Well, just hold that thought for a second. I'm going to make a call. 980 01:14:33,070 --> 01:14:34,070 Joanna? 981 01:14:34,730 --> 01:14:35,950 Joanna? Yes. 982 01:14:36,450 --> 01:14:37,450 It's Grey Woman. 983 01:14:37,910 --> 01:14:39,350 How are you? Good. 984 01:14:39,890 --> 01:14:42,810 Yes. Well, you know what? I'm ready to come back now. 985 01:14:43,090 --> 01:14:45,270 Yeah. So could you bring the cart round? 986 01:14:45,530 --> 01:14:46,530 I'll be outside. 987 01:14:47,170 --> 01:14:48,490 I'm bringing a friend with me. 988 01:14:50,660 --> 01:14:53,260 It's great. No, you'll really like her. It's going to be amazing. 989 01:14:53,740 --> 01:14:54,739 We're going to go. 990 01:14:54,740 --> 01:14:56,960 Yeah. All right. Thank you. See you out front. 991 01:14:57,520 --> 01:14:58,520 All right. 992 01:14:59,220 --> 01:15:03,460 Okay. Yeah, just follow me. We're going to go meet Joanne outside. She's got a 993 01:15:03,460 --> 01:15:04,460 car. 994 01:15:05,800 --> 01:15:06,940 Are you okay? 995 01:15:07,280 --> 01:15:08,280 Oh, yeah, I'm great. 996 01:15:24,780 --> 01:15:25,779 She's gone. 997 01:15:25,780 --> 01:15:27,140 I can't believe this. 998 01:15:27,380 --> 01:15:28,380 Who? 999 01:15:29,420 --> 01:15:30,420 She's gone. 1000 01:15:30,860 --> 01:15:32,220 You ruined everything. 1001 01:15:36,320 --> 01:15:37,320 Whoa. 1002 01:15:39,100 --> 01:15:40,480 Look. Oh, my God. 1003 01:15:41,660 --> 01:15:42,720 She took Eric. 1004 01:15:47,780 --> 01:15:49,200 I thought she'd take me. 1005 01:15:50,360 --> 01:15:51,580 Claire, I'm so sorry. 1006 01:15:53,130 --> 01:15:54,490 But I learned this a long time ago. 1007 01:15:55,930 --> 01:15:57,670 You can never depend on Claywoman. 1008 01:16:44,240 --> 01:16:46,640 Well, that was out of this world. 1009 01:16:47,580 --> 01:16:49,080 What the fuck? 1010 01:16:49,940 --> 01:16:52,880 Well, that's our show. 1011 01:16:53,820 --> 01:16:59,500 And we thank you from the bottom of our little black heart. 1012 01:17:00,240 --> 01:17:01,240 Good night. 1013 01:17:42,250 --> 01:17:46,270 You guys, we did it! Let's give ourselves a round of applause. 1014 01:17:49,150 --> 01:17:51,490 Because we're more than a crew here. 1015 01:17:52,090 --> 01:17:54,570 We became a family, right? 1016 01:17:55,170 --> 01:17:58,010 And I just want to give it up to Amber! 1017 01:18:00,210 --> 01:18:05,110 We are not worthy. We are not worthy. And to work with a female director, 1018 01:18:05,330 --> 01:18:10,550 okay? A goddess incarnate, literally. I mean... 1019 01:18:11,020 --> 01:18:14,260 You guys, I don't know if you guys know the statistics, but there's not a lot of 1020 01:18:14,260 --> 01:18:16,120 ambers. There's not. 1021 01:18:17,580 --> 01:18:22,740 And so, everybody, you guys, I got a booth at Starlight. 1022 01:18:23,340 --> 01:18:26,140 It's right down Rancho Boulevard. 1023 01:18:27,360 --> 01:18:28,880 A really cool place. 1024 01:18:31,700 --> 01:18:34,720 And, yeah, if anybody wants to come. 1025 01:18:37,040 --> 01:18:40,620 And the boys, I just want to salute the boys. 1026 01:18:41,200 --> 01:18:42,900 Thanks, Jennifer Industries. 1027 01:18:44,800 --> 01:18:45,800 Really. 1028 01:18:46,400 --> 01:18:52,580 So, yeah, if you guys want to, if anyone wants to come to the Starlight, you 1029 01:18:52,580 --> 01:18:56,320 go straight to the Starlight, and then you ask for Julian. 1030 01:18:56,580 --> 01:19:01,440 And he knows me, middle-ass, middle-ass friggin' first name. 1031 01:19:02,240 --> 01:19:03,880 Seriously, and he'll hook you up. Okay? 1032 01:19:13,930 --> 01:19:15,170 Hey, Virgins, come here. 1033 01:19:15,550 --> 01:19:17,450 Yeah. Hi, it's immediately. 1034 01:19:18,650 --> 01:19:23,390 Okay, well, you are both going to edit the episode tonight. 1035 01:19:23,710 --> 01:19:24,710 Yay. 1036 01:19:25,070 --> 01:19:27,090 Excuse me, what? Don't you want to be filmmakers? 1037 01:19:27,630 --> 01:19:29,710 Don't you want to be like little Robert Altman? 1038 01:19:30,350 --> 01:19:31,370 Who's Robert Altman? 1039 01:19:32,230 --> 01:19:33,230 No, for Christ's sake. 1040 01:19:33,670 --> 01:19:38,410 Anyway, if you don't do it, we're going to call your teacher and tell her to 1041 01:19:38,410 --> 01:19:38,969 fail you. 1042 01:19:38,970 --> 01:19:42,390 I don't think so. Oh, you don't think so? Well, guess what? Ask the last 1043 01:19:42,390 --> 01:19:46,950 interns we had. Oh, wait, they're interning at Hamburger University, where 1044 01:19:46,950 --> 01:19:51,050 they're learning how to flip a Borgor. Bullshit. Fuck off. You're both doing 1045 01:19:51,050 --> 01:19:52,390 the edit, and I don't care, okay? 1046 01:19:53,070 --> 01:19:54,049 Bye, losers. 1047 01:19:54,050 --> 01:19:55,050 Peace. 1048 01:19:56,450 --> 01:19:58,990 I'm done with this shit. Screw that, man. Fuck. 1049 01:19:59,250 --> 01:19:59,969 Total bitch. 1050 01:19:59,970 --> 01:20:00,969 Yeah, seriously. 1051 01:20:00,970 --> 01:20:04,510 But, like, I'm failing anyways, you know? 1052 01:20:05,590 --> 01:20:06,670 Why don't we, uh... 1053 01:20:07,709 --> 01:20:08,709 Okay, 1054 01:20:09,650 --> 01:20:13,130 okay, I see you that's smart as fuck